Will you refuse to date someone who sends you this SMS?

I read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and liked the book overall. I love reading books on talking about modern social issues and those that are easy reads not boring textbook like.

However, I just could not wrap my head around the situation described in p42-44. He is talking about the importance of sending the proper SMS which would determine if someone would go out on a date with you. The example he uses is below –


Modern Romance SMS

I really saw nothing wrong with this text. The guy was not a creeper, did not send an inappropriate message (like the sexual kind), introduced himself, clarified how he got her number, established a common friend connection (safer and kind of trustworthy) and seemed overall nice. 

Another point to note is that Rachel and Will met in person before this SMS at a wedding. In today’s world of flakiness and no replies, anybody making an effort to find out your number and not creeping you out is a great.

However, the young people including the author disagreed. Maybe, it was author’s license but I could not believe the entire audience of 3600 & Rachel was put off by 1 word – ‘texty’.


Give the guy a break. Writing off someone because of 1 freaking word and it was not even creepy.


Another thing they didn’t approve of was ‘toooooootally’ & ‘ Feliz cumpleanos’.


I absolutely disagreed with this opinion and wondered why Rachel had refused to date him.  I asked Uncle what he thought and he could not believe that someone would be rejected for that. He could easily see himself writing such an SMS.

I felt that it was ridiculous that people are rejected on such a frivolous basis and it seems so shallow.

This is acceptable if you are 16 years old but not when you are 25. I wish the author had put in Rachel’s age because that would definitely give me a perspective on the behaviour. If someone is 30 years old and rejects guys based on this, it is pretty obvious why they will not be going out on dates or be in a healthy relationship anytime soon.

The guy is expected to make the first move and if they are rejected for stuff like this, I do not think we can complain when guys copy paste the same message for all girls on online dating sites because that clearly seems to be more efficient.

What do you think?


11 thoughts on “Will you refuse to date someone who sends you this SMS?

    1. Ha ha. Even though I try to avoid generalizing based on gender, many women often tend to overanalyse small things like texts while putting up with shitty treatment.

  1. I am not too sure why, but yes, I really don’t have an issue with either of the two texts. Dragging a word isn’t sin in my books because I see it being done for effect all the time (as in text messages and even in tweets for that matter).
    I quite liked the clarity of the first text and the way, the second thought was written to make things clearer.
    Having said that, I am not 100% clear if I’d go out on a date with someone like Will but I wouldn’t have turned him down on basis of these texts alone.

  2. Hmmm! I agree with the first commentor. It feels like ‘Will’ is pretty immature, from his texting language, so I’m not sure I would want to waste my time!

    1. Immature?! Is there anything that makes you feel it is immature because I really did not see it as immature. Will and Rachel did meet once at a wedding and the impression seems to be positive.

        1. Ha ha. Young people clearly do not approve of his texts 🙂 The thing is that they did meet in person at a wedding and this was a follow up SMS. So, I find it strange if anybody rejects based on this SMS when they liked each other based on when they met.

  3. Hello, fairly new lurker here! So the first text was fine ..I am okay with it. But the toooootally irked me for some reason. I would have gone out though to see how he was ..though that stretched out word is a little hard to get over for me.

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