Questions I am dying to ask

I am dying to ask 2 people on my FB friends list if they are having issues in their marriages. Recently, I was surprised to see 2 married couples unfriend their spouses on FB and suddenly delete all their photos together. I was sad and surprised they are having huge issues within 2 years of marriage. To top it, it was a love marriage and they have known each other for quite a while. What surprised me even more was how so many other people did not notice this at all.   One part of me wants to ask them directly on what’s happening and another part tells me to mind my own business. I cannot think of a single non-offensive way to politely ask them if they are having issues and it is not like we are besties. I admit I am nosy at times most of the time. If their marriages are really falling apart, this is the fourth time* – 

  1. I have known a marriage to fall apart in the past 2 years.
  2. where the marriage was less than 2 years old.
  3. where the couple had known and dated each other for more than 2 years.

*The third  and fourth were someone I knew here. 

All this makes me wonder what went wrong and it is sometimes scary. Didn’t they have more time to know each other when they dated for quite a while? Relationships seem to be so fragile and need tender care. At the same time, it is nice to know that separation is no longer a little less taboo and many women do not feel the need to stay in relationships that don’t seem to work for them for whatever reason.


7 thoughts on “Questions I am dying to ask

  1. OMG yesterday I was just thinking the same thing. I just noticed another friend whose husband’s pictures “disappeared” and it turns out that they got divorced. All hush hush! Now that Maddy & I have been together for 10 years, so many couples have split up and got divorced. It really sucks when it is a fellow mixed couple – and always the reason is because of a disapproving family.
    Another couple I knew was so fabulous together and I found out later that the husband was a secret abusive alcoholic, I was so shocked!!!!!!!! Sometimes there are no signs, and people show happiness publicly but privately they are suffering.

    1. True. Facebook is more like Fakebook. Everybody is happy on the outside but you never know the issues on the inside. One of the said couples is partying and travelling separately. No photos of them together *sigh* It is sad and scary when you see couples breaking up (or not because we don’t really know) within a year or 2 of marriage.

  2. I learned the hard way that long engagements/relationships before marriage don’t ensure marital success. Sometimes people can get along before marriage because they don’t take into account or they dismiss and ignore signs of behaviors they cannot live with. Sometimes love and infatuation cloud your mind as well. Then when you actually have to live together and put up with all the quirks and annoying habits day in and day out and you don’t have any coping skills built up, then they take their toll on the marriage. This is why I always tell people love is not enough to make a marriage last. You need compatibility, and some strong foundations built up so when they do annoy you, the marriage won’t go sour. You have to find true value in your spouse that will last long term.

  3. Hmm…I have wanted to ask a friend too. But it’s been several years now. I wanted to know what happened and if I could help her in any way. She had a baby within a year of her marriage and their family pics looked gorgeous. I hope she has recovered from it all.

    1. Marriages are complicated whether they are arranged or love.

      In conservative societies, it is quite difficult to leave a marriage and it also depends on how we judge a marriage – only by the length of time and not happiness?

      Currently, in India, any marriage where the spouses were not originally chosen by parents are considered love marriages but in many cases I have noticed that the couple in actuality do not really know each other that well and having to fight the society constantly puts a huge amount of pressure on the couple.

  4. Oh wow, the exact same thing happened to a friend of mine in the US. Met up another common friend last evening, and he asked me if my friend ( let’s call Mr X) has gotten divorced or what ? He asked because he too noticed that old photos of the couple were deleted. Now , Mr X & I still very close, even though we don’t talk frequently, ‘but don’ think I can call him to ask about this.

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