15 Reasons why I don’t like weddings

My feelings about weddings have always been the same as far as I can remember – I do not like them.

This does not seem to go down too well with a lot of people. People react with emotions ranging from mild surprise to disbelief. Some argue. Is the idea of a simple wedding so revolting? Most people launch into a lecture when I say I will not have a big wedding.

Note – This is a kind of a rant. Also, if the post sounds angry, it is because most people tell me I cannot feel a certain way. I can feel anyway I want about weddings, right?

Their argument:

1. People will get offended if you don’t invite them for your wedding.

Honestly, who cares? From all the people who attend your wedding, how many do you think genuinely care for you? Besides, if they really cared for you and your views, they should respect that fact that you did not have a big wedding.This is like having 2000 FB friends but you are close to 5 of them.

2. This is once in a lifetime event. You will regret it for the rest of your life.

Who says you have to marry only once 😉 There are so many things one can spend a lifetime regretting, weddings being the last. I would worry more about the marriage than the wedding.

3. You will be tired of fighting for every little thing and you will just give up.

True. If the guy’s side wants things a certain way, it is very hard for the girl to get her own because you will have 200 aunties and uncles breathing down your neck. They will break your will slowly. You give an inch and they take a mile. Which is why, I am not budging even an inch from the start. A little compromise here for their happiness, a little there and your entire life ends up becoming a compromise.

4. Who cares about what you want. Your parents will do whatever the guy’s family wants. 

This pisses me off big time. I have heard this way too many times from all & sundry including my family. It is my wedding and I do not have a say in it? Why would I be interested in marrying any guy who does not take who I am and what I want into account?

Another bullshit reason people add in is that though the guy may agree with me, he wants a big wedding because his parents want it. Again, why would I want to marry a guy who cannot stand up to his parents and explain what he wants? How can you believe he will stand up for you when your views differ from his parents views?

 My argument:

1. Crowds – I don’t like crowds & Indian weddings are huge crowds. Even the simple ones.

2. Noise – With crowds, come noise. I do not like noisy places.

3. Clothes – Okay, someone is getting married. Is it not enough to dress nicely? No. weddings require you to wear appropriate clothes and for women that means sari or salwar kameez. It HAS to be silk [after killing a million silk worms]. It has to be GRAND. You have to wear jewellery. You have to wear pottu. You have to put flowers in your head. In short you have to sweat it out. I don’t see the point.

If you are the bride, it is even worse.  You wear a sari that adds 10 Kg to your frame. Then, they make you wear 5 garlands which is another 5 Kg around your neck. You cannot even turn your neck.  And loads of jewels.

And I don’t get why you HAVE to wear a Sari in  a wedding? Does a wedding cease to be wedding because the bride did not wear a sari?

4. Comfort – Weddings and comfort do not mix in general. Comfort is sacrificed in the name of tradition and pleasing everybody else.

If you are the bride, you get up early in the morning. Spend 2 hours getting ready. You can’t pee. So, you don’t drink water. You can’t eat. They stuff 20 hair pins in your hair and give you a headache. You are sweating it out  in front of the fire. You have 3 garlands around your neck and it hurts.  People are constantly yelling around you. The priest chants stuff & you don’t understand anything he says anyway. All you know is you are pouring stuff in the fire when he tells you to and repeating chants when he tells you to. Who wants to be tired, nervous, stressed and not pee on “the happiest day of their lives?”

5. Money – We spend way too much money on weddings and all that follows before and after. Even, if we can’t afford it.  Most people are forced to due to societal pressure.  I personally feel it is a huge waste of money. And, in most cases, the girl’s family foots most of the bill and that makes me so angry.

6. Waste – We not only waste money but we waste lots of food, paper and so many other things. 

7. Clutter – This is an extension of waste. Most people give unnecessary gifts and you end up with a gazillion photo frames + cups sets. Clutter & more clutter. They buy so many useless things for wedding ceremonies like dolls, combs, mirror, umbrella etc which nobody will use again.  

8.  Too much focus on the wedding – Tell me, how many people who attend your wedding really care about you and your spouse? Most don’t.  We don’t spend enough time focusing on the couple but spend more time on the wedding + gossip + mean comments about other people’s clothes & jewels.

9. Show off – Weddings are more of an occasion to show off your wealth than to celebrate getting married in most cases. Most do it because society expects them to.

10. Cameras – How many photos does a couple need? Everybody who comes to the wedding gets to take a photos with the couple. Smile until your mouth hurts  & feet hurt from all the standing.

11. Parents – No wedding is complete without parents being directly involved.  It makes me so irritated when I see the amount of pressure put on girl’s parents.  Their daughter getting married is not only about her getting married – it ends up being so much more. Having to please the groom’s side. Soothing disgruntled family members ego. Listening to criticism about the wedding arrangements. Stress about the money.  Parents are worried about retiring if their daughter is not married by the time they retire.

12. The after wedding – The drama does not end here. There will be a dozen puja’s in your husband’s house. That & all the aunties instructing you to “serve your husband”, “clear his plate” & “make coffee for the entire family.” You still have to wear traditional clothes.

13. Getting grilled by aunties – Aunties asking you all sorts of questions & you have to give the appropriate answer every single time. One wrong answer and they will go complaining to your parents about you.

“What does your mom cook for breakfast?”

“Can you cook?”

“Can you sing?”

“When do you wake up in the mornings?”

“What are your marks in exams?”

14. Prospective bride situations – When you reach marriageable age, weddings become a hangout for aunties looking to match make.

“How old is your daughter? We know this guy, very qualified. Working in …. His parents are here. Maybe you can exchange horoscopes.”

15. First night –  Everyone pretends sex does not exist but they make a big fuss about first night. Excited old aunties chattering away and getting excited about it more than the couple. Basically stress out the already very tired couple and set the stage for very high expectations. No access to contraception. 

19 thoughts on “15 Reasons why I don’t like weddings

  1. The majority of people who get married and have a Wedding are young people generally in their mid to late 20’s or early 30’s. Most of these people can’t afford the expensive of the Wedding or can afford some of it. What happens the parents of the people getting married have to pay for the Wedding costs. That is not fair to them. Then all of the planning and everything involved Between the cost and planning a Wedding in my opinion its not worth it.
    If the couple can afford the Wedding is the cost worth it? Is the cost worth 1 night of fun or celebration or 2-3 days most? That couple is much better off saving their money.
    Not saying Weddings are bad I just don’t like them. Keep the Wedding simple, the costs of everything to a minimum, and then a Wedding is okay.
    Myself I refuse to go to Weddings. I don’t like dressing in a suit and tie. That is not me I will not be comfortable at all so the main reason I refuse to go. Then you have to give money or a gift to the couple so I usually give money. Some Weddings are out of state so that involves hotel room costs, getting to and from costs, and planning. Then there are lots of people there and too much interaction. All of this isn’t me. The only Wedding I will go to is if my brother or sisters have one or I am forced to go.

  2. Fantastic post! You voiced every thought of mine regarding weddings.
    I got married 20 years ago and had a “medium sized” (read big, fat) Hindu wedding. I hated it but didn’t know why back then. The 15 reasons you give are the very reasons I hated it. I didn’t argue against it because I didn’t know any better.

    How many times I wished over the years I could go back and re-do it.
    My dream wedding – the bride and groom, both their families, and close friends.
    Good night’s sleep, wake up at a decent hour, eat a great breakfast, dress up nicely but comfortably and casually, spend the day with fun activities – lunch, concert/comedy show, tea etc. in the company of people you love.
    Evening – exchange meaningful vows in English, no religious texts, no priests.
    Then go out for a lovely dinner in an elegant place, dress up a little (again comfortable, breathable clothing)
    Say bye to everyone at the end of a lovely day and go home.
    When I told my hubby recently, he said “Let’s re-do it on one of our anniversaries. This time, let’s get it right.” Ha, ha. So maybe we will!

  3. Good for you, Our wedding is a colossal waste of time, energy and money. I got married in an med ceremony, not too too large by indian standards, still it was terrible. and yes you cant pee, since you are sitting int he freaking mandap for 4 hrs…plus who wants to wander around and disturb the absurd weighting a ton saree … big pain, i didn’t fast had abreakfast . no one knew int he madness and no one cared. I didnt understand a word th epriest said in sanskrit , poured a bunch of stuff in the fire and it’s actually my fault i didnt ask him what he was saying, i actually didn’t care. I didnt fight it then since i knew no better i simply was not involved at all. i dont think my parents now care for a big wedding either, what a waste of resources. at that time i just wanted to be done and let out. so i’m subtly training my kids now 🙂 everytime we go on a beach vacation they see this simple beach ceremony and a cute dinner on the beach with cushions and candles and i even had the opportunity to go a cute little indian wedding, 50 people , translation in english and so so cute couple… the kids are seeing and hopefully absorbing and i will get them to go for a tiny tiny meaningful wedding.

  4. There was one uncle who attended my wedding (the big one) and gave some lousy gift (not that great LOL) and then phoned immediately a few weeks later TO MY MUM and asked where was his thank you card. At that point we were still on our honeymoon in India!!!! And then when we finally did send the thank you card, he phoned my mum AGAIN to bitch that it was not long enough!!!! I only invited him because my mum forced me to and I totally regretted it.
    I preferred our smaller Hindu wedding because it was so simple.

    I TOTALLY agree with you that there is way too much obsession over weddings than the actual marriage. I feel it is all for show.

    1. Omg. What an uncle!

      This reminds me a classmate who said that she did not want to invite all those aunties and uncles for the wedding but the guy’s parents wanted them to. She told me she will put their tables in a corner and ignore. Chinese weddings have a seat at table assigned for each person.

  5. I had to laugh reading this post. I feel exactly as you do and I went ahead and got married the way I wanted to. I was able to do this because my husband and I paid for our own wedding. My husband is American so we had a Christian ceremony for immediate family only (10 people) and a “larger” Hindu one for 30 people. I wore what I wanted, refused to fast before the ceremony (ate bacon and eggs for breakfast the morning of the Hindu ceremomy), and refused to also get up at an unearthly hour for a muhuratam. Our Hindu wedding was a one and a half hour ceremony where both bride and groom were happy and not hungry or weighed down with clothes and jewels. It takes a lot to resist pressure from family but it can be done. Have a firm idea of what you want (which you do), affix blinkers, and go at it. It will help enormously if your significant other thinks like you and has the courage to withstand the Indian wedding brigade.

    1. True. Sometimes, even if you are the one paying for the wedding, you can’t have it the way you want. Usually, in chinese culture, the couple pays for the wedding and they still end up having a traditional ceremony because their parents insisted on it. Many people told me that they would have skipped lots of stuff. They didn’t want it but they had to foot the bill.

  6. hmm.. agree with almost all of the points.. I do not like weddings.. but definitely enjoy in my own way if I have to go to one.. One thing, no two things that I only like about weddings is the opportunity to dress up and good food, but then these two things are for others’ wedding..

    As for my wedding, well I am sure I do not like anything about it already.. I am not even married.. but even then I am sure I do not like anything about it.. It is nothing but too much chaos, too much expense …

    ‘You will be tired of fighting for every little thing and you will just give up.’ – this line, it just seems to be becoming true in my case..

    the whole idea of my wedding seems to be almost like eating a bitter pill and gulping down a glass of water to get over with it..just get done with it and go to room and lock yourself up away from everybody..

    1. Hmm..I get where you come from. Dressing up and good food are not exclusive to weddings. These 2 aspects minus other frills can be had in other ways.

      ‘You will be tired of fighting for every little thing and you will just give up.’ – This was a line someone told me when their wedding did not go as they had envisioned it all their lives but according to what the guy’s family wanted.

  7. I hear you.. And you know what’s worse? When you discuss the above points with your family, they look at you as if there’s something wrong with you.. Then all the emotional blackmail starts.. We have only one dream – to get our child married in a grand manner (cause screw the said kid , who is now an adult, with his/her own dreams) and how can you take that away from us?

    I have just too many feels for this.

    1. Sigh, someday I will write a post about the wedding that I would like to have, when I do want to get married.

      I once told mom about booking a resort or something for a weekend so that everyone can hang out together.. Another idea is to have a court marriage, and then off to a place like BBQ Nation where I eat with my friends and family in an informal setting and can move around and hug or high five them, or crack jokes with them..

      Even told her that if I love someone, I would love them for how they are in their normal days.. Like how she looks in her tee and shorts, and not yards of a sarree (for all I know she doesn’t even wear sarrees normally. )

      But clearly.. all of this is done only to smite our parents’ wishes and dreams

      1. Hear hear. I am motivated to write one pretty soon.I love the idea of hanging out in a casual place and having fun. Court marraige + food sound most appealing to me though I do not like hanging out in large groups.

        I will reveal more details in a blog post 🙂

    2. Me too. I have too too many feels for this issue and I don’t get why people get so upset at the idea of a simple wedding for me. I do not tell other people they are wrong to want a big wedding. They can have it if they like it. I don’t get why it has to be the same for everyone.

  8. 1. You don’t go into a marriage thinking this is my 1st of 3 marriages. So yes, you want to have a good wedding coz it is an event to remember or cherish, be it your 1st one 3rd one

    2. No one says you can’t go pee or not eat. In all the excitement, eating is the last thing in your mind.

    3. The concept of wedding registry is great. It will slowly catch up in India.

    4. You are wrong to say that if a guy can’t stand up his parents. Why would you even marry him. When you want things a certain way, and no one can convince you to change your mind, the same can apply to parents too. Sometimes it is easier to let the parents do want to make them happy. A little comprise is a good thing. Also, if you are marrying a guy who has to fight your battles, you might want to rethink who you are. You want to show the world you are strong with opinions but you want him to deal with the parents.

    Yes there are a lot of things that makes the wedding planning uncomfortable or makes one mad, but in the end you have to see the big picture. All you will remember is the moment when you get married. Rest of the issues will be a blur. Plus in India, weddings are not just about two people getting married, it is about two families coming together.

    It is important that the bride and groom and have a say in their own wedding but at the same time, it is also important to keep the parents happy. We could learn a thing or two from western weddings but in the end, it is important to remember that weddings are about two people starting their lives together and everyone around celebrating this joyous occasion.

    1. 1. A standard Indian wedding need not be the only way to celebrate.

      2. Most women cannot pee because of the clothes and constant ceremonies. Many women are forced to hold their pee for hours until they can get out of their clothes.

      3. Why do I have to work on convincing the guy’s parents. The standard position of guys in patriarchal cultures is – Do whatever his parents want. Why should the girl work on dealing everything with his parents? Yes, wedding are for celebrating. The focal point is still the couple not everybody else. So, it should be according to what the couple wants. And why should there be a standard inflexible format for joy? People are different, emotions are different, then why should celebrations be the same with the exact same ceremonies (within communities)? People should be allowed to celebrate the way they want.

      4. When a guy does not stand up to his parents in the beginning, it is often an indication of what may follow – he will keep quiet on most things his parents and ask his wife to ‘adjust’. Parents are people not gods. They are as likely to be unreasonable as anybody else. Most guys in patriarchal culture cannot accept that.

    1. Hmm… I avoid attending any kind of weddings. Not only Indian ones. I do not like the idea of being in a room with more than 4 people. So, any wedding disqualifies. I will write about what is an ideal wedding for me, sometime.

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