I am sorry

I realized something. I apologize a lot, especially at work. Even, if it is something I am not responsible for. Under the garb of politeness, I am apologetic.

“I am sorry but he is not in office.”

“I am sorry but he is on leave this week.”

“I am sorry but I am still waiting for them to go through your application.”

“I am sorry but that company does not manufacture these products.”

“I am sorry that the supplier has not yet responded to my query.”

These are things I need not be apologetic for. They are not my actions nor things under my control. I need not apologise for someone else not responding/not being available for talking/delaying things.

I feel this is a result of deep conditioning I need to break– being apologetic for existing, trying not to piss people off, trying to be liked & get their approval, undervaluing myself, holding myself responsible for something unpleasant happening in other people’s lives and the fact that they are upset about it (because I am acutely sensitive to shift in other people’s moods and energies). The truth is I cannot be responsible for other people’s actions and moods.

Exercise: Remind yourself not to negate myself or apologize for something I did not do or can’t control.

6 thoughts on “I am sorry

  1. Ah, yes. I used to do the same. Then we had a training course at work about how to be assertive and the first lesson was to stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault. It talked about using language like ‘I want…’, ‘I would like you to…’. ‘I need…’ and not beginning with ‘I’m sorry but…’ if you’re not actually sorry or it wasn’t actually your fault. Now I consciously don’t say ‘sorry’ or ‘I apologise’ unless I actually want to apologise. I think it’s made a huge difference to how *I* feel in my interactions, even if others don’t notice anything different.

    1. Exactly, from the time I was aware, I am looking to avoid those words. Women in general, seem to apologize more because we don’t like to piss people off and are conditioned to feel we are not good enough. Not apologizing all the time is actually empowering and boosts confidence.

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