Will you be my friend?

I was at the bus stop yesterday. I met an Indian guy who had picked up a conversation with me once previously because I was in the seat next to him.

He: I need help setting up a business here. Can you help me and tell me what to do.

Me: No, I am not into setting up businesses. I do not know what to do.

He: Will you be my friend?

Me: What does that mean? (We all know what that means in India – Do fraandship with me)

He: Just Friends, that’s all.

Me: Er.. okay.

He (Immediately takes out his cell phone): Can I have your number? 

Me: No.

He (completely embarrassed): I am alone here. No friends. I am so bored at home after office. I have nothing to do. I have nobody to talk to. 

Me: Then go to some classes. 

Bus came.

Another girl I meet on the same bus told me that the same guy had asked for her number and she had given it to him. He kept calling her until she mentioned her husband. This sort of creepy behavior  is not restricted to younger guys. I have known much older men doing the same.  You casually chat with them once and they want to have your phone number.

Exercise: Many times, people corner you into giving your number. It is okay to refuse even if you sound rude. Just say no.


13 thoughts on “Will you be my friend?

  1. Extremely creepy encounter that you have had there, and from the comments it is quite obvious that many other women have also had it.

    Have no clue what these men are thinking when they approach women in this manner and use such corny pick up lines…do they actually work ?

    1. Sometimes they do. When there are not enough opportunities to interact with the opposite sex, we get this in societies. And, we cannot always assume that only the guy wants to talk, in many cases girls do too, so, they are looking for a jackpot.

      It depends on the situation & culture. I am okay chatting with strangers in cafes/markets/trains abroad. But this sudden taking out your cellphone and asking for your number after asking “will you be my friend?” is creepy & commonplace, it’s like they know and think you know what “friends” means & talking to them means “you are interested”.

  2. Totally creepy! If he really wanted to be your friend, then he wouldn’t pressure you! A guy who asks for a phone number immediately is just desperate for you-know-what!

    1. Yup, I expect things to flow naturally. I have given my number to several people I had met once, but it just came around naturally. I would not do that if the guy looked conservative though. Sounds prejudiced sadly, but yup what to do? A middle aged guy, who was a school principal and had come to help his daughter settle in campus, ended up taking one of my acquaintances number. When he met her in public with his daughter, he would lecture her on her small clothes/culturelessness and then call her many times in the middle of the night.

      Never ever give your number to a conservative guy you do not know, espceially the ones who randomly pick up conversations with you/ask for directions

        1. True, don’t worry, many Indians can also be duped by it. It is not only them looking conservative but also if we look ‘modern’ or ‘conservative’. Western women are always ‘modern’ right ha ha

  3. It pains me that creeps like this make all women in India wary of every man they come across. I can’t blame them. But it’s also kind of sad. My brief visit to the US has shown me how open people are here. Strangers talk to each other casually, smile, say hello and good morning etc. That can never happen in India. Not just because of the population, but because any friendliness can be construed as being open for something more.

    1. Agree. It goes both ways.

      On one hand, I am more likely to be open to chatting up with a westerner because I know I will not be seen as “fast”. I know they will not ask me my personal details and I can stop it at any point, I don’t like. Many of them date people they chatted up with at pubs/parties/campus/shops. I don’t consider it creepy and I don’t feel threatened in such situations. If anything goes wrong, the guy is unlikely to say – I know your poor character, you are cheap, you are willing to talk to any guy on the road blah blah.

      On the other hand, yes, there may be some nice guys who may be interested because you come across someone you like in a public place, why not know them more? thinking, but the ground reality is in India, most of these guys who approach you are looking to get lucky, conservative, desperate for any girl and will harass/stalk you once they get your details. They will not stop bothering you, once you tell them to get lost.

      I think this is a result of our conservative society and not allowing the opposite sexes to interact. Where talking to a member of opposite sex becomes a status symbol. Everybody wants to do it but cannot/will not and is jealous of anybody who does. Look at what many of them do. Call random numbers and hope a young girl answers and some of them do talk & become “friends”. our actors/actresses claim they are “just friends”. I am appalled at this so called love marriages of so many educated Indians. They add each other on FB (because they have common friends) or in same class – just talk talk and say ” I told my parents” and get married. They rarely spent time in the same city, hung out together except online and are getting married.

      1. So true. I live in the US and if someone non-Indian comes up to me to chit chat, I respond and even enjoy some casual social banter. If an Indian approaches and does the same, my experiences have taught me that it could be something else, so my guard goes up. As Bhagwad says, there could be totally nice Indian guys just saying hello and craving a little conversation, it really depends on how conservative they are, whether they start reading into casual conversations or not.

  4. wil u b my frend is d worst thing to hear. there s a completely different meaning given. I had called a helpline(dont wish to mention wich) , he just had to take my complaint n do his work. instead he called me from his number n asked can I b his frend. he said he won’t text me if im irritated. I said he s irritating me. den he stopped. bt its really bad. I don’t want to call tat helpline anymore.

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