R often boards the same bus as me on my way to office and we got talking. She was telling me how her husband and she barely spoke to each other. He came from office, watched TV/played video games and went to sleep. He is away travelling for work a lot. I felt it was not normal and told her so.
“But he is in a stressful job. So, he does not feel like talking” – Well so are many others.
“This generation of men are like that” – I don’t think so. Isn’t this considered an older generation family style? Silent father, works hard, provides money. Mum takes care of household. They barely communicate.
“My cousins also complain of the same thing. They are housewives and they have no one to talk to” – Still this is not normal.
I asked her if he was always like this and how was their communication before marriage.
” I had an arranged marriage. My family would not let me communicate with him.”
That reminded me of K, whose parents told her to talk less to her fiance, when they had many disagreements after the engagement, instead to looking if the couple was compatible or not. This is like, just get married. Then you can’t walk out of it, even if you have issues.
I think the real issue in R’s case was a lack of connection. They got married but they don’t have a connection. If she could talk so much to someone she meets on the bus occasionally, why can’t it be the same with her spouse.
There is pressure to get married and the arranged way. Society ensures that a couple does not build connection. Mothers latch onto their sons because they do not have a connection to their husbands. They do not like DIL and ensure their son and his wife do not bond. And the cycle continues.