3 Things every woman needs to learn

I was reading this email from a married woman describing her problems on IHM’s blog and I was appalled. I could not understand how an educated adult working woman could put up with things like that. This is what most women are conditioned into. They rarely go against it because the repercussions are severe. Instead, everybody slowly waits for the systems to change. 

Every woman needs to learn that:

1. They are worthy.

You do not need permission to exist on this earth and you do not need to earn your place by constantly sacrificing. Stop believing things like:

“We did you a great favour by letting you be born/raising you. So many girls do not get that opportunity. So, be grateful and do what we say.”

Babies do not magically enter people’s wombs. Somebody had sex right? Somebody chose to give birth right? The baby did not request for rental of womb space or ask to be born.  Then, let them take responsibility for their actions instead of pushing it all onto the child.

“We loved you, raised you, we educated you and now, you do not want to do what we want you to do.”

If you have a child, it is your responsibility to provide them basic needs. People cannot use it as a bargaining card for manipulating the child in the future and make them do what they want.

Nobody did you a favour by letting you be born. Nobody has to keep doing things for life in return for letting them exist.  If you are so grateful for being raised well with a good education, then give it back to the world.  Have you really become an adult, if you have to ask for permission from someone else? An adult is and should be capable of going about their daily lives without having to turn to someone older for every single decision they make. Asking for different opinions/advice is great but people need to learn to take responsibility for their life.

2. One needs to set boundaries

Would you allow someone to throw your phone on the floor and stamp on it? No right? Then, why do so many women allow all and sundry to treat them with disrespect and order them about? Why are they hesitant to stand up for themselves to be treated as beings with no respect or desires?

Setting boundaries is not disrespectful, it is respecting yourself.

3. Being “a good girl/bahu/wife”  is bullshit big time

There I said it. How many times have we been told that – 

Good girls marry who & when their parents want.

Good girls wear traditional clothes.

Good girls do not question religion.

Good girls do not hang out with friends.

Good girls sacrifice.

Good girls become good wives.

Good girls are not sexual.

Good girls listen to their in-laws and husbands.

Good girls cook, clean & have kids.

Good girl program is for getting robots out from humans. It is a program for controlling women systematically for benefit of certain sections of society. It is for manipulating women into doing what others want.

Better be a happy girl than a good girl.

It is time we stopped buying into this nonsense and started acted like adults.

9 thoughts on “3 Things every woman needs to learn

  1. I always get pissed off when I hear parents tell their children that they should be grateful for giving them a home etc. Even animals give their offspring their best. And they do it without looking at gender. A mother is a mother – it’s nature. If parents throw away their children, that makes them worse than animals…it makes them monsters.

    They’re not doing the kid a favor. It’s their bloody job! The kid never asked to be born. The parents brought the child into the world. Now suck it up and do your duty. Or go to jail. Don’t dare try and make the child feel guilty for your “love and care”.

    Also, if you’re taking care of your child just so that you can blackmail them later on, that just makes you a jerk.

    1. Ha Ha, True that. Who is being more selfish here if you are being nice to your child because you want to control them later? I think this applies to male children too.

      When people do not take responsiblities for their lives and are/were not allowed to control their own lives, it is very easy to perpetuate the same to your kids. Kids were the only people you could control.

      On the other hand, emotions are not simple and they are often muddled up. Parents have mixed love, emotional investment, protection instinct, social conditioning, fear for their kids, fear of the society (log kya kahengey?), social conditioning all into one ( a mixture of positve and not so positive) and unless they consciously work on separating their individual emotions or correlating what they do to certain reasons/emotions, it is so easy to mix control and love and feel upset when their “love” is not reciprocated or shown by being “grateful” but was that a reaction out of love or other emotion is the question to think about.

  2. Yes so true!!! agree with everything.. but sometimes things happen so slow so you dont even realise when did you become something like this good girl instead of a “person”. Personally I never stopped fighting like an individual is supposed to and being called insensitive so many times. My mistake is that most of the times I ended up doing things their way. which I so regret now.

  3. Stopped being the ‘good’ bahu ages ago. Infact have been angry at myself for even trying to be one! Also stopped doing rituals in the name of God and filling our tummies with goodies.

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