Observations about marriages in patriarchal societies – 3

I have been observing quite a lot of people getting married lately and been noticing a similar set of issues and patterns. You can be marrying a partner chosen by your parents (AM) or a partner of your choice (LM).

In both kinds of marriages:


–      A simple wedding is unheard of.

–      The girl’s family primarily foots almost the entire wedding bill.

–      All and sundry poke their noses in the weddings.

–      There is more stress on the rituals and the ceremonies than on the bonding between the couple.

–      A lot of nitpicking goes on because of the minor differences or rituals not being done properly and this leads to a lot of resentment between couples.

–      Too much interference by family (meaning parents, cousins, unheard of aunts everyone ) in marriages.

–      Lot of women have no choice on how they want to live or with whom they will live.

–      The husbands have one type of behaviour when they are alone with their wives and another in presence of their family.

–      The woman is almost always expected to cook and clean.

–      It is almost always the woman’s duty to compromise on clothes, rituals, traditions

–      When the wife is being nit-picked or criticized by the guy’s family, the guy generally keeps quiet and rarely supports his wife.

–      The couple is not treated as mature adults who can make their independent decisions and everyone interferes in every little thing in the marriage.

–      The couple often develops a bond only when they are away from both the families.

–      Almost every couple irrespective of how long they know each other or how tired they are expected to have sex on the wedding night in a room with a 50 other extended family members lounging around in the nearby room and they will be asked about it the next day by all these old ladies who pretend it does not exist rest of the time.

–      There is rarely any prior discussion or access to contraceptives on the wedding night.

–      Many women claim sex was very painful and they could not walk properly for 3 days after the wedding night but they had to do it because the guy wanted to do it.

–      There is often no mutual respect. It is more respect for guy’s family.

–      Atheists are almost non-existent according to Indian marriages and there often exists no respect for their beliefs.




4 thoughts on “Observations about marriages in patriarchal societies – 3

    1. Maybe but this is what I have seen in the marriages among people I know in the past 1.5 years. A certain conservative subset of population migrates abroad here?

  1. The points you mentioned are more of a cultural thing, rather than a trait of patriarchial societies in general. I have seen a lot of patriarchies where these things would be seen as weird, regressive and out-of-place. Some of the issues you mentioned don’t even have to do anything with patriarchy, but Asian collectivism in general – which favours conformism and policing to keep people in line, rather than let them free run as individuals.

    1. These are not cultural things. Patriarchy in today’s world exist more in Asian societies and these kind of marriages are more common in patriarchal societies where women’s rights and happiness are not taken into consideration.

      Patriarchy and collectivism may overlap but these issues I examined are not viewed from the viewpoint of collectivism. I do not like collective cultures either but then that is irrespective of gender.

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