I am married and you are not!

I was talking to a couple of students (post graduates in science and abroad) and one of them mentioned that she dreamt that I got married. Another girl immediately commented in a condescending manner that all we could do was hope as we were not even close to getting married. The assumed air of superiority just because she was engaged set me thinking. Is marriage and getting married among Indian women seen as a status symbol, something to boast about to your peers and in society rather than anything else?

I discussed this with LK and we both came to the same conclusion. Getting married is seen as a symbol of social status and something to be proud of (does not matter if you are in the shittiest marriage imaginable, you are married and that’s what matters) quite often in our society and sadly so. Of course, there are other reasons for getting married, but I am analyzing things from this particular aspect in light of the conversation. People think they can look down upon you just because you are not married and assume you must be miserable. Why, people cannot be miserable when married or what?

The more of the following conditions you satisfy, higher your status quo.

  • Getting married at the right marriageable age
  • According to your parents’ wishes – same caste, same sub caste, horoscope match etc.
  • To a well settled guy
  • A decent family
  • Having your own house and vehicle after marriage
  • Having a grand wedding

The question to ponder over is – Do meeting these conditions make you superior compared to other women?

In our society – Yes.

P.S -I am sure there are more of such conditions and these are such typical Indian terms in the marriage market and I am sure people of other nationalities wouldn’t really get these phrases. Contact me for an explanation 🙂






6 thoughts on “I am married and you are not!

  1. You know, there was this girl -a family friend’s daughter. We grew up together – she was about 3 years older than me. She was smart, bubbly, full of excitement, and very capable. She had a boyfriend when she was in Class 10. Her dad got to know, took her away to his native -put her in a conservative college(girls only), and then married her off as soon as she graduated to someone they knew. And then they would gloat about how they know how to bring up daughters – obedient, and ‘happily’ married off. I got to know that ‘happily’ meant that her husband worked in another city, she stayed back with her MIL, obedient bahu, you see.. And all these were brownie points for her parents – their daughter got married at the ‘right time’ and never gave her in-laws cause to complain.. Every time I hear of her, I can’t help wondering, where that cheerful, happy girl I knew has disappeared.. Must have got eaten by that obedient girl who did everything ‘just right’…

  2. Guess its not just India, China also has this sort of thinking about getting married (minus off the stay married part) that if you reach a certain age you must get married no matter what it is a must or else people will sort of talk behind your back or judge you. I have china friends who looks for husbands instead which i don’t get it why the ultimate goal in life is to get married? there are so many other things you can do in life, not that i am against marriage, but looking for someone and getting yourself married for the sake of marriage just don’t do yourself justice. My friend even mention her mum don’t mind having grandchildren first. It was a total shock to me. Yet to them my thinking about not necessary getting married is screwed and they are trying their best to change my thinking ;D
    sorry for the comment.

    1. I agree. In south east Asia, your family keeps asking you every tie if you have boyfriends and when you are going to get married. I heard some marry their friends if they have no boyfriend/girlfriend just to get rid of the pressure. The pressure to get in a relationship is high especially for women all over the world. Everywhere you look, all you see are ads for happy families and romantic love.

  3. Getting married and then staying married – is seen as a status symbol. Not just by women but the entire Indian society. Happily Married daughters, unlike happily married sons are also a status symbol. Happily married sons who love their wives and whose wives love them, are seen as ‘neglected senior citizens’, but parents of happily married daughters are ‘free of all responsibility and burdens’ senior citizens.
    A woman’s entire life is expected to revolve around the need to ‘Get Married-Stay Married. The one thing that can free a woman to live is to marry only (and if) she meets a man she can be happy with, and not plan her life from the moment she is born to plan for her marriage as the only goal in life. The education, choice of hobbies and interests, career, clothing, friends, sports (no skin darkening), food, books, everything is based on that one need to be approved by a man who would see her as the kind of woman to marry (as opposed to the kind to flirt or sleep with).

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