I was away on a holiday in India eating lots of Pav Bhaji and Pani puri which explains my absence :D Meanwhile, I am so glad to be featured on one of my favorite bloggers – Madh Mama where I talk about my relationship!
One day before the wedding, we had to go to the registry to verify our documents. It was fairly simple. Just wait for your queue number and show your documents. The form stated that people getting married in the office SHOULD wear formal clothes. We were not going to be too formal and asked the lady
Us – Is it okay if we are not in formal clothes?
Lady at counter – Repeats the statement on the form verbatim.
Hubs – Has anyone been turned away from the office without getting married because they were not formal enough?
Lady (speechless because nobody asks such questions lol) – No but please try to be in formal attire.
Us – Of course, we will try but trials can fail. Thank you :)
We saw other couples who got married and gosh, everyone was in super formal wedding clothes. I could bet that nobody would be getting married like us the next day ha ha.
I would definitely give brownie points to the office for decorating it nicely and trying to make it romantic, though some of the decorations were cheesy. They have rooms where the marriage ceremony is conducted, washrooms, cafe and a make up room for touch ups! They had arches with flowers and hearts too. The marriage office is adjoining the fort canning park and the garden outside is quite nice.
We sent a reminder to all our witness and people who were attending the wedding. Hubs went for a movie and I went home cooked, did some gardening and pending chores and put on a face pack.
10. Guest list
None of them knew each other except the couple.
Witness 2 – Married, so the spouse was added to the guest list and both of them were our friends.
Spouse of witness 2
Unexpected friend in town – It was pure coincidence when hubs’ friends was in town and wanted to meet up exactly on the day we were getting married. So, we invited the friend.
End of guest list *gasp*
11. Wedding Clothes
I wore a cotton dress from FabIndia. It was a great blend of Indian prints with a western style dress, exactly like us :)
Hubs wore a white shirt and trousers. And we both wore matching footwear :)
Birkenstock was our official sponsor for the wedding ha ha. I am kidding about that but they should, right?
12. The day of the wedding
I woke up at 11 AM without an alarm. We had coffee and lunch at home, got dressed and left home. We bought some Krispy Kreme donuts on the way. The lady at Krispy Kreme was kind and gave us free donuts because we told her we were getting married. We arrived early and waited for our friends at the train station. They came unsure about the dress code because we had insisted on an informal dress code. One of them had even laid out an ironed suit on their bed, just in case they needed it ha ha. We reached the registrar’s office a good 40 minutes early and thought we had plenty of time to relax but we were called in half an hour earlier because somebody didn’t turn up for their wedding.
13. The wedding
They have marriage rooms with screens outside which display the names. The room was neat and nicely decorated. The official ceremony was a mix of western wedding vows and legal ceremony. It really was about 5 minutes long. The official asked us if we had rings to exchange. We said no. The official gave us the marriage cert after we signed the form. The coolest part was when we had to leave the room. We turned to leave from the door we came in when the official pressed a remote control button, the curtains opened and there was a secret glass door on the opposite side like in James Bond ha ha and we all sneaked out from the other door.
We took some photos using our phones and exchanged rings outside the room. Well, we exchanged donuts as rings and promptly ate them. We had a donut for each of our guests :)
Promptly went for the bar. The bar was nice with a great view but people there were snobbish. Mainly rich banker type guys visit that bar. We were about to leave when the waiter told us to “be quieter” because we were noisy.
Then, we had dinner at an Italian restaurant which was fun and I think we were easily the most boisterous group they had so far. On top of that, we made so many politically incorrect statements *cough*
At around 11:30 PM, we left for home. We spoke to our families.
The Wedding was over. Next day, we went for our Saturday routine of cafe like always.
14. What we may have done differently
We may have -
Invited some more of our family and close friends who were not in town
Maybe spent a wee bit more?
I don’t have regrets about my wedding and I don’t like creating a big fuss about weddings. Weddings are for a day and it’s what follows that matters…
We chose to get married in Sg because both of us were in Sg and it required minimal paperwork. It can get complicated for people with different passports and it is no secret that I love fuss-free protocols. We wanted to get married by the end of 2014.
Initially, my mom planned to come for the wedding which is why we planned to have it in December. Then, it seemed like, she could not make it till Jan or Feb and everything was dragging along and we decided to just go ahead. His parents could not travel all the way, so they were not coming.We asked 2 of our friends to be the witness.
To get married in Sg, you have to go online and book a slot about a month or two in advance. There are 2 options -
get married in the registry office – 5 minutes ceremony – you get the official they allot
get married off venue – 20 minutes ceremony – involved selecting an official from the list of registrars, meeting them, checking their availability on certain dates, getting them to sign a form 2-3 months in advance and it was more expensive.
So, we chose the getting married in office part and proceeded to fill the online form one October afternoon. After filling out everything, we realised there was not a single slot available till mid January 2015! I could not believe so many people were getting married. I was so upset at the ridiculous situation. Later that evening, I had an urge to check the online system again and I filled out the form and we got lucky as someone cancelled at the last moment. There was 1 slot free – 1 particular day in Nov and at only 1 time period. We just took it. And it was a Friday, exactly what he wanted. And that’s how we got married on that particular day. No astrologer involved. Just fate or luck ;)
6. Informing people
We informed our families.about the date after we booked it. I told some of my close friends. Other people we ran into? – We would usually tell them we are going to get married or not tell them at all but avoided telling them the exact date because we wanted to limit our guest list he he.
7. Wedding Planning
Once the date was set, I started researching where we should go for dinner or drinks. I spent about 3 nights after work poring over different restaurants to fit within my budget, became stressed and realised I was getting stressed over a restaurant, when this was exactly what I was trying to avoid. I wrote more about it here.Hubs told me I was stressing myself out unnecessarily and it was not really a big deal. We had shortlisted one bar and 2 restaurants and asked our friends what they preferred and everyone chose the Italian one. So, it was done.
Two weeks before the wedding, we decided to check out the restaurants. Hubs really liked the bar (Only I had been there before)and the restaurant and we made a reservation at the restaurant. Next, we checked out the marriage registry office, next to the Fort Canning Park. We mapped out our entire route, which train station to take, how long it takes to walk and if there was shelter in case it rained. After that, we purchased footwear for me and a new shirt for hubs. I had several new dressed I purchased from my trip to India and I had not worn 2 of them in anticipation of the wedding ha ha. Hubs already had what pants and footwear he wanted to wear and needed only the shirt to complete his outfit. That’s it, our entire wedding planning was done in one Saturday afternoon!
Many people assumed that our parents were not coming because they were not happy about it or we were getting married secretly, which was not the case.
An acquaintance’s reaction amused me particularly. When she met hubs and he told her about our wedding plans, she said “You may not want a proper wedding but that does not mean she does not want it.” Like, he was a typical machista and we were having a simple wedding because he insisted on it and I had no say in the matter at all! The idea of a woman wanting a small wedding is inconceivable to people and they imagine me lying in pools of tears because I am not getting a proper wedding.
I am here with my wedding story as promised. Our wedding was unconventional like us, from start to finish and I am proud of that :)
Indian. Non-conformist. As many of you know, Indian weddings are anything but small and simple. They are complicated grand affairs. A simple wedding would mean a guest list of 200 people and at least 3 days of wedding ceremonies and weeks of wedding preparations.
I never liked big weddings and I have written about ithere. As I had no real life examples of simple weddings, the only ideas I had were from movies. I almost always think of Alaipayuthe /Saathiya with regards to this. Looked like I had to wear a saree, get married in a temple, exchange garlands and have at least 10 people around.
My friend gave me an idea for having a simple wedding without offending anyone by not inviting them. Get married in a big temple like Tirupati and tell people that you had taken a vow to get married there. That did not really appeal to me because Tirupati is so damn crowded and it is not really my home.
European. Non-conformist. Doesn’t like big conventional weddings. I seem to have struck gold in the wedding department :)
His family has had both big – 100 guests (lol because 100 guests is small according to Indians) and small weddings. His brother got married without their parents and had only 2 guests. His cousin did not inform anybody, including his family about his marriage until the wedding was over. When I heard him talk about his brother’s wedding, I really loved it and could visualize a wedding like that.
We had discussed in length about the kind of wedding we wanted and we both agreed that we did not like big weddings at all. I wanted a wedding exactly the way everyone told me I could never have. We both agreed that we would support each other even if others did not agree with our ideas.
My parents – He met my parents and asked them if they wanted a small temple ceremony or anything along those lines. My parents were cool with a civil wedding. They initially wanted us to get married in India and we were fine with it as long as all the documentation could be sorted out. It was complicated and involved embassies. We were in India for only a week and we didn’t think we could get everything done in that time frame and dropped the plan.
His parents- They really did not have many expectations about the wedding. They knew they could not really travel to Asia for the wedding. They have never met me in person yet, only over video chat.
It all started with “Negative Nelly“. I used that phrase to describe someone and Uncle loved it. That is because it sounds so good. I kindly introduced the phrase “Debbie Downer” as well.
Last Saturday, we were in a restaurant and there were 2 Indian women at a table next to us. A couple of minutes later, in walks a white guy and joins then. Turns out, he is the boyfriend of one of the Indian girls. I could sense the mood change, the guy shut down and strong judgey vibes emanating from the other Indian lady. The Indian lady managed to make all of them uncomfortable because they were going against the norms by
Out of the community dating
She clearly did not approve
Uncle had this brilliant suggestion that we should have Indian equivalents for Negative Nelly and we came up with –
Judging Jaya – We all know that judgey-judgey aunty who judges you for everything from clothes to job to marriage.
Disapproving Devi – Again another aunty who has an issue with your ‘modern clothes’ to ‘boyfriends’.
Gossiping Gita- Self explanatory
Vicious Viji – Could be your nasty MIL ha ha
Hyderabadis have Late Lateef because almost everybody is late and laid back (this is not my invention).
So readers, can you come up with any more these? :)